The Law of Attraction

Responsibility for our lives is something we never lose but which we often deny. As I’ve said many times before, you can give away control but never responsibility. Remember what I said in class it’s up to “moi”. The ultimate responsibility for how your life turns out rests with you and you alone… not with your parents, your boss, your colleague, your ex, your society, father, mother, sister, brother, husband, wife, God, or anyone else. You can blame whomever you wish, but you’re the one who must experience (or endure) the results.

I sometimes receive feedback from people stuck in the pattern of thinking about what they don’t want. They claim to be focusing on their desires religiously, and they ask me why their goals don’t seem to be manifesting. Then they explain all the reasons they believe they’re having so much trouble.

The Law of Attraction brings you what you think about. To think is to ask. I cannot help but quote the Word of God that clearly says; “ Ask and You shall Receive, Seek and You will Find, Knock and the Dorr will be Openned.” Every thought is an intention. Just be careful cause— it doesn’t filter what you ask for. If you think about what you want, you get it. If you think about what you don’t want, you get that too. Once again, it’s about ‘Moi’ thoughts.

If you want to manifest your desires, then it makes no sense to write statements like the above. Even when your desires haven’t yet manifested, remain hopeful and optimistic. Pour on the positive intent, set your RAS or the GPS of your mind on the right co-ordinates and allow the Law of Attraction to work with you. Stay in the present moment. Be on the lookout for synchronicities. If you start getting frustrated, take a walk or do a meditation to nip it in the bud. Otherwise you’ll negate your desires by intending their opposite.

The key to mastering the Law of Attraction is responsibility. Remember the word ‘Responsibility’ comprises of the 2 words ‘RESPONSE’ & ‘ABILITY’ : It is our Response to the best of our Ability that is required. You must accept personal responsibility for everything in your life. And I do mean everything. If you perceive it, you’ve manifested it. Whatever you give your attention to will expand.

How do you learn to stop thinking about what you don’t want? Accept responsibility for attracting it. This raises your consciousness and makes you more capable of successfully applying the Law of Attraction to get what you do want.

What if I deny responsibility for what I experience? What if I say, “Something out there is causing these problems, and I’m only noticing what is happening”? Then I’m powerless to change my reality. If I focus my thoughts on what I’m already getting, I’ll unknowingly activate the Law of Attraction to continue bringing me more of the same. My situation will never fundamentally change. And how can it change? If I’m thinking about what I’m already getting, then I’m manifesting a loop. It’s stable. If my life is filled with the manifestation of my desires, I’m in heaven. If my life is filled with what I don’t want, I’m in hell.

If you’re determined to think about what you don’t want, I certainly can’t stop you. The best I can do is to hold you accountable for your results, which can help you become more aware of what you’re doing to yourself. But if you really want to beat yourself up, go for it. Just note that I won’t be joining you for the subsequent pity parties down the road. Only you can save you. It’s up to ‘Moi’. Start learning to Visualize all the important events, desires, goals, and plans of your life.Remember, ‘If you can see it, you can do it’ ; first you visualize then you can actualize it !

Personal testing is one of the reasons I accept the Law of Attraction. It’s proven itself to me beyond a reasonable doubt. I’ve been working with it consciously for a few years now, and it still freaks me out sometimes. Who’d have thought we could attract what we want just by thinking about it? Does reality really work that way? If it seems impossible, the thought of its impossibility will manifest like any other. If you don’t believe in the Law of Attraction, you’re actually using it to negate itself, which is a perfectly valid application, albeit one that will bring you lots of frustration.

One of the reasons I’m so happy and passionate about my life is that I’m getting better at aligning myself with the Law of Attraction. ( or as I like to look at it : ‘The Law of God’.) I’m having a wonderful time experimenting with it. As I think about what I want, I keep wondering when it’s going to show up. When I try to control how it comes to me, I usually block it. But when I relax and allow it to happen, that’s when it finally begins showing up. The right people, resources, and opportunities somehow find me, usually through unexpected synchronicities.

The sceptical part of my brain has trouble believing reality could actually work like this. It requires a new model of reality in which the Law of Attraction makes sense. Consequently, I’ve had to make major adjustments to my beliefs to compensate for the Law of Attraction. This led me towards a more subjective view of reality, which eventually became my default way of thinking.

It all begins with accepting 100% responsibility for your reality. You’re the one who’s creating it right now. Are you creating what you want or what you don’t want? Change your dominant thoughts, and you’ll see reality change as well.

If it’s going to be, it’s up to Me!

Have an Awesome week !!!

Leslie Choudhury – Int’l Speaker, Trainer, Consultant and Author

Serious fun for serious business
See it, be it, live it !!!

CEO – Dreamz Image International
Director – Directive Communication International
Associate Director – ADMC Pte Ltd
Owner’s Representative – Sun Island Resorts
65 96347354
Connect to me on

If You Think You Can

If you think you Can

If you think you are beaten, you are.
If you think you dare not, you don’t.
If you like to win, but think you can’t,
It’s almost certain you won’t.
If you think you’ll lose, you’re lost.
For out of the world we find
Success begins with a person’s will –
It’s all in the state of mind.
If you think you are outclassed, you are
You’ve got to think high to rise.
You’ve got to be sure of yourself before
You can win the prize.
Life’s battles don’t always go
To the stronger or faster person.
But sooner or later, the person who wins
Is the person who thinks they CAN.

Leslie Choudhury – Int’l Speaker, Trainer, Consultant and Author
Serious fun for serious business
See it, be it, live it !!!
CEO – Dreamz Image International

Creed to Live By

A Creed to Live By
Don’t undermine your worth by comparing yourself with others,
It is because we are different that each of us is special.
Don’t set your goals by what other people deem important,
Only you know what is best for you.
Don’t take for granted the things closest to your heart
Cling to that as you would your life, for without them life is meaningless.
Don’t let your life slip through your fingers by living in the past or the future.
By living your life one day at a time, you live all the days of your life.
Learn to live life in the NOW !
Don’t give up when you still have something to give.
Nothing is really over until the moment you stop trying.
Don’t be afraid to admit that you are less than perfect,
It is the fragile thread that binds us to each other.
Don’t be afraid to encounter risks,
It is by taking chances that we learn how to be brave.
Don’t shut love out of your life by saying it’s impossible to find.
The quickest way to receive love is to give love.
The fastest way to lose love is to hold on too tightly, and the best way to keep love is to give it wings.
Don’t dismiss your Dreams. To be without dreams is to be without hope.
To be without hope is to be without purpose.
Don’t run through life so fast that you forget where you’ve been,
But also know where you’re going.
Life is not a race, but a journey to be savoured every step of the way.
It’s not about how fast we get there, it’s about the climb.

Everyday Communication

George Bernard Shaw wrote: “The problem with communication … is the illusion that it has been accomplished.”

This quote could not be more true, and is further compounded by the ever increasing introduction of modern technologies, the send and forget type emails, Skype, MSN Messenger, facebook, SMS, etc!

For those of us who receive up to 50+ emails a day, how many of us read them in detail and really try to understand what they are trying to say? Probably few. How many of us are prepared to go back to the sender and clarify some of the ‘grey’ areas with questions? Definitely few.

Is email the best way to get your message across? That is a question that we should constantly ask ourselves. Other channels of communication can be far more effective. It’s too easy to either ignore or not give emails the attention they deserve. This is not the case when you are communicating face to face or over the phone. 

One dictionary definition of communication is “the imparting or interchange of thoughts, opinions, or information by speech, writing, or signs”. Sounds pretty simple, doesn’t it? Well, if you think about it, all business communication should have a purpose, whether it’s just ‘FYI’ (for your information), i.e. reading to learn about something, or encouraging a response or action on something. The challenge we are faced with everyday is keeping messages simple enough to ensure we get them across clearly, and more importantly, get the response we are looking for as a result. Dr. Robert Cialdini, the famous author of “Influence – the Psychology of Persuasion”, wrote: “Our best evidence of what people truly feel and believe comes less from their words than from their deeds.”

So how do we achieve the response we want? This is where influencing comes into play, and starts with planning the outcome. Try asking yourself what’s the purpose of this communication? What information is critical and what’s less important, how will I structure it for maximum effect? What’s the best way to communicate it? It all starts with getting the message right! 

The second step is to understand your constituents or recipients. What is their attitude towards the subject? Working through both of these factors weighs heavily on the successful outcome of your communication. If you don’t have a good relationship with the receiver, they are less likely to give your communication the attention it deserves.

The third part of the process is in analysing the response. It is critical that time is spent asking if the communication was effective? Was it really understood? Are they buying into the idea? Does their response appear sceptical or confused?

A recent report estimated that over seven trillion emails were sent worldwide last year! The average office worker now gets between 60-200 messages a day. While no one denies the obvious productivity gains we’ve realised from the efficiencies of email communication, many people find themselves drowning in all these messages. 

Six general email dos and don’ts:

1. Do understand that good quality subject and header lines are important as these will be the search headings that you’ll be using later to find specific emails in your archive folders.

2. Do make sure you are clear and concise in the content of your message. Cover what it is you want to happen, i.e. the action/response, in the very first line. For example, right at the top of the email, put your ‘action’, what you expect your recipient to do. And then structure the background of your message around it. Recipients will take note that they need to do something and then spend more time making sure that they understand the context of the message.

3. Do realise that your message can be forwarded to anyone and it says something about you. Make sure you re-read it and are comfortable with how it reflects on you. Be careful when sending confidential information by email as again it can be so easily forwarded. If you have to, make sure you word your message in as factual and balanced way as possible.

4. Don’t respond to an email in anger… Practise the 24-hour rule when you’re upset. By the next day, you might save yourself from dramatic over reaction. Remember, it’s the right response that you are looking, not revenge!

5. Don’t put a hyperlink to additional information at the top or even in the middle of a mail. Put it at the end. Why? Well, it’s human nature to click on it as you read. Your reader may miss all the important text that comes after the link.

6. Don’t ‘cc’ the world – Ask yourself who really needs this information? It’s too easy to copy everyone, even if they don’t really need it. Don’t expect a response from someone who was cc’d.

At the end of the day, the backbone of successful communication lies even deeper. Great communication is about a high level of transparency, trust and honesty. With these ‘environmental’ values in place, communication and teamwork can really flourish.

“Nothing beats old fashion face to face, eyeball to ball communication.” – Leslie Choudhury 

Keeping Motivated

I’m often asked, “What’s the best way to go about keeping my motivation for the task at hand from dwindling down on me?” — it’s an important question, and one that might be best answered by looking at the following example.

First, it’s worth considering that motivation is a state. Just as happiness is a state. Meaning, happiness is less a destination, or a place to “arrive at”, versus a feeling that one experiences in the given moment. You choose to put on that feeling!

To further illustrate, consider just about every time you remember having felt a true sense of joy in your life. It’s likely that it was around some event, or the thought of some event, happening, or experience right? That’s why we can rarely fully recapture that feeling of happiness or joy, at least to the extent we felt it originally, when we think back on, or in advance of, whatever event brings us happiness in the moment that we’re doing it.

Take a moment to pause and give thought to the ideas I just shared if need be. They are worth understanding. Now let’s put a big nice bow around this topic and delve further into exactly how it fits with creating sustainable motivation. Ready? Good let’s go!

While we are each unique and possess our own talents, gifts and life experiences, all of which have gone into making us the people we are, it’s also worth realizing that each of us has our own inner motivators — things that when triggered inspire us to some greater action.

In that respect, we can be motivated by others, sources directly outside ourselves, or something inside ourselves, a memory, or even a fear or past experience which we don’t want to see repeated, or play out in our lives.
In fact, we can go from feeling completely uninspired, to one in which we’re literally ready to take on the world! The change in how we view ourselves, and in particular our ability to achieve a thing can shift in a moment.

My point is that “staying motivated” has less to do with finding a way to remain in a constant state of inspiration, and more about realizing that inside you, you have the ability to shift from your current state, if it’s not serving to move you forward, to one filled with motivation to achieve whatever your given endeavor happens to be asking of you.

The way you begin your day counts — and it counts big time! In fact, it can literally frame what you and I take notice of through out any given day. Consider that for the most part we pretty much have a blank slate when we begin our day. With that said, the first things you do upon waking up can be critical, they can play a much larger part in how your day plays out then you might have ever considered.

What we take in and focus on at least to some degree sculpts our own thinking going forward. If you take in negative ideas and experiences, you’re going to be more aware of them as they happen (and more susceptible to the broken idea that that’s all you seem to be getting — negative experiences).

Fortunately, the opposite is also true. If you proactively begin your day taking in something of a positive nature it’s going to help you develop a positive attitude, you’re going to be more equipped to notice the good that’s around you, you’re going to even look for the good, when perhaps otherwise you may have missed it completely.

To better illustrate my point consider the wise words of Zig Ziglar, “They say motivation doesn’t last, well neither does the effects of bathing. That’s why we recommend it daily.”

As I’ve mentioned before there are countless ideas you can put into practice to maintain and build your motivational muscles. Here are a few more I recommend. As you give these a try keep in mind that personal development is a hands on project, which is to say you should adapt the ideas below so they work best for you.

 . Starting your day out right is powerful, but it’s equally as important that we “keep our cup full” so to speak.

Schedule regular points during your day where you refill your mind with material of a positive nature
With the abundance of resources from which we can access personal development resources now there’s simply no excuse for you not to make it a regular part of your day. This is easy to do, but it’s also easy not to do. Make the choice to develop this positive habit and you’ll be infinitely better for it!

Join or put together a group of people who share your understanding of the importance that having positive, inspiring people in their lives can play. A few such ideas might include joining a small group at your church or particular place of worship. You could also seek, or if need be, start a group where you all meet to discuss the latest personal development or audio program you all are reading or listening to.

If you don’t happen to have such a group in your area, look online, or start one locally, be proactive and get yourself around a peer group that can support and inspire you.

From here on out stop with the broken idea that “this personal development and motivation stuff doesn’t work” just because you have to keep coming back for a refill every now and again.

Consider that the leading experts in any given field or industry, if they’re truly worth their salt, make the ongoing commitment to studying their craft. You just don’t attain the level of mastery without remaining plugged into and in ongoing learning mode. That holds true whether you’re talking about personal, professional or a combination of both.

The old saying, “You gotta’ be in it to win it” is right on!

And so it is with you my friend — if you want to keep your level of motivation at its peak you will need to regularly partake in whatever source you happen to choose, whether that be a book, audio program, or whatever, choose something ongoing that can regularly unleash your inner inspiration. The choice is yours!    

Are You a Filler or a Dipper?

Are You a Filler or a Dipper?

You have heard of the cup that overflowed. This is a story of a really large cup, only larger, it is an invisible cup. Everyone has one. It determines how we feel about ourselves, about others, and how we get along with people. Have you ever experienced a series of very favourable things which made you want to be good to people for a week? At that time, your cup was full.

A cup can be filled by a lot of things that happen. When a person speaks to you, recognizing you as a human being, your cup is filled a little. Even more if he calls you by name, especially if it is the name you like to be called. If he compliments you on your dress or on a job well done, the level in your bucket goes up still higher. There must be a million ways to raise the level in another’s cup.

Writing a friendly letter, remembering something that is special to him, knowing the names of his children, expressing sympathy for his loss, giving him a hand when his work is heavy, taking time for conversation, or, perhaps more important, listening to him.

When one’s cup is full of this emotional support, one can express warmth and friendliness to people. But, remember, this is a theory about a cup and a dipper. Other people have dippers and they can get their dippers in your cup. This, too, can be done in a million ways.

Let’s just say I am at a dinner and inadvertently upset a glass of thick, sticky chocolate milk that spills over the table cloth, on a lady’s skirt, down onto the carpet. I am embarrassed. “Bright Eyes” across the table says, “You upset that glass of chocolate milk.” I made a mistake, I know I did, and then he told me about it! He just got his dipper in my cup!

Think of the times a person makes a mistake, feels terrible about it, only to have someone tell him about the known mistake (“Red pen” mentality!  - Tendency to only correct and point out mistakes in others!)

Cups are filled and cups are emptied ? Emptied many times because people don’t really think about what are doing. When a person’s cup is emptied, he is very different than when it is full. You say to a person whose cup is empty, “That is a really nice tie you have,” and he may reply in a very irritated, defensive manner.

Although there is a limit to such an analogy, there are people who seem to have holes in their cups. When a person has a hole in his cup, he irritates lots of people by trying to get his dipper in their cups. This is when he really needs somebody to pour it in his cup because he keeps losing.

The story of our lives is the interplay of the cup the dipper. Everyone has both. The unyielding secret of the cup and the dipper is that when you fill another’s cup it does not take anything out of your own cup. The level in our own cup gets higher when we fill another’s, and, on the other hand, when we dip into another’s cup we do not fill our own … we lose a little.

The mark of  true humanity is giving more than you get. By giving, we really receive! ” – Leslie Choudhury

For a variety of reasons, people hesitate filling the cup of another and consequently do not experience the fun, joy, happiness, fulfilment, and satisfaction connected with making another person happy. Some reasons for this hesitancy are that people think it sounds “fake” or the other person will be suspicious of the motive, or it is “brown-nosing.”

Therefore, let us put aside our dipper and resolve to touch someone’s life in order to fill their cup.

Have an Awesome week ahead!
Leslie Choudhury – Int’l Speaker, Trainer, Consultant and Author 
Serious fun for serious business 

CEO – Dreamz Image International
Director – Directive Communication International
Associate Director – ADMC Pte Ltd
CEO – LC International ( BVI)
65 96347354

Connect to me on

Talking to Myself

“Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will never hurt me.” This little rhyme was one my mother told me and I used many times as a child when someone was taunting or teasing me or calling me names. I was trying to convince myself that the words of another did not matter, but the truth is, their words did hurt me. I could pretend otherwise, but inside it hurt. The words cut, they create damage within and knowing that someone said something to intentionally hurt me, did not help.

To this day however, the words of others are nothing compared to the meanness and hurt of some of the words I’ve said to myself. I don’t always say these words out loud, but the inside of my head is not a safe neighborhood to hang out, especially at night. If I had an action figure that represented myself and every time I had a negative or self-critical thought I whacked that action figure, I doubt it would make it through the day. It seems this is common among people I’ve talked to. I’ve worked with dozens of clients who refer to themselves as their own worst critic, but never as their own best friend.

Many psychologists discuss the concept of the inner critic. It’s referred to by many different names, but most agree that it can be directly linked to how our parents talked to us when we were growing up. Throughout our childhood experiences of interacting with our primary care givers, we imitate the parenting we received inside our own heads, continuing the practice of praising, disciplining, etc. One of the ways that shows up is as that critical inner voice. It’s also possible to have a nurturing, supportive voice but this softer, gentler voice for most people is drowned out by the louder, critical one.

In addition to self-criticism, I notice there are times when it seems everything going through my head is negative. No one around me is doing anything right, things are going wrong, and the world is a dark and scary place. When my inner self-talk goes down the fear spiral my mind can really go to town with what’s going on with the economy, and how I have been affected personally. The ‘what if’s’ completely take over and my inner neighborhood becomes a dark storm of disastrous possibilities that show up as loss, scarcity and catastrophe.

The good news is we can actually change our inner self-talk AND we can change what comes out of our mouths. Catching the inner critic before it starts beating us up and shifting our words to nurturing, supportive direction, like a coach would give, can lead to more positive outcomes in our lives. Being conscious, deliberate and intentional about what we say and what we think takes raising awareness, making a choice and acting differently.

Raising awareness starts with becoming an observer of yourself, noticing what you’re saying to yourself, how you’re interpreting situations, and what is actually coming out of your mouth, especially at those moments when no one is there to witness it. I have found the practice of journaling to be very useful in this. There are times when I don’t feel comfortable telling another person what I’m really thinking, but I would write it in a journal I knew was safe from the eyes of others. Once my thoughts and words are down on the page I can often see how my thinking is distorted.

Once I have recognized a negative or disempowering pattern, I can make a different choice. But what choice do I make? After all, my best thinking got me here. It can be really helpful in the beginning to get input from an objective friend or advisor since we can’t always be objective about ourselves. For example, I told a friend of mine that not as many people have been signing up for classes lately. She reminded me that I could look at this as something personally to do with me or I could more accurately conclude that people are reserving funds because of the economy. I realized she was right. If I take it personally, it feels negative, discouraging and disempowering, but with the latter interpretation I can look at it as an opportunity to do some work that I haven’t had time to do because I’ve been training so much.

Acting differently, of course means we don’t just raise our awareness and do nothing with it, it means we follow through and declare our new interpretations out loud. It’s a way of establishing a new pattern.
The most powerful way I have found to make these ideas work for me is by being proactive vs. reactive. If I wait for the moments when my thoughts are negative and self-critical it is much harder to direct myself to a positive direction, but by deliberately choosing to be gentle and supportive of myself as a matter of course, I can create a positive foundation to build from.

To do this, I have developed a daily practice of saying positive, uplifting and empowering statements to myself as soon as I wake up in the morning (typically the most negative time of day for many people). Statements like these are commonly called “Affirmations” because they are validating a positive truth we wish to emphasize and expand. The most gratifying result for me is a reduction in fear and depression, in spite of the constant influx of negative input so prevalent lately in the news and by doing this on a daily basis I have started a new, more positive pattern of thinking that leads to raised self-esteem and more positive outcomes.

The Art of Win-Win Negotiations

The Art of Win / Win Negotiations !!! by Leslie Choudhury

Ever heard someone say that they ‘gave away the store’? Despite our best intentions, we sometimes give away too much  to arrive at an agreement. Even when we go into our talks with high motivations and a grandiose, exuberant spirit of cooperation, we have to be wary and dip our toes cautiously into the waters to make sure we aren’t about to be devoured by piranha.
Today, many of us have heard the concept of win-win negotiations but do we know what that really means? All too common, most negotiators fail to understand that this term represents both parties achieving a satisfactory negotiated settlement.

“Negotiation needs to start with the assumption that both parties want more to agree than to disagree and there is a meeting point.” – Leslie Choudhury

Yes, win-win is less about the process, less about the “how” of getting there, and more about the destination. How best to get you a win-win outcome, whilst keeping your eyes fixed on that elusive win-win negotiation outcome or goal. Steven Covey’s  quote: “Begin with the End in Mind!” is very appropriate.
The Win-Win Concept

The true meaning of a win-win settlement is a negotiated agreement where the agreement reached cannot be improved further by any discussions. Win-Win does not mean absolute equal outcomes but acceptable so each party walks away with perceived value. So your outcome cannot be improved for your benefit, and similarly, the agreement for the other party cannot be improved further for their benefit either. By definition, there is no value left on the table and all creative options have been thoroughly explored and exploited. It’s what both parties can live with.

What does not constitute a win-win deal?
Many people falsely delude themselves into believing they have a win-win approach and settlement when they adopt many of the strategies described below. However, if we put their agreement under our microscope and look closer, they may have wasted their efforts. Positional and tactical negotiators love less experienced negotiators who do not fully understand win-win. Why? Inexperienced negotiators make for easy targets to be shot down, simply due to their lack of understanding of the win-win concept.

What pitfalls can lead you, your company or team to miss the rich rewards promised by a win-win settlement? (see 1-4). What should we then focus on? (see 5-8).

1. Cookie-Cut Approach
People are not the same, they are motivated differently. We cannot approach each negotiation identically. It’s fine to have a positive mindset going into the talks, but we must be realistic that we do not get bogged down into ‘the end justifies the means’ mentality by sacrificing resources or funds to get that agreement. I do not advocate a win-win in all situations. Where win-win would be an inappropriate commercial strategy to employ would include:
(a) Hostile or die-hard positional negotiation counterparties who only look at you through win-lose lenses.
(b) When you’re negotiating the purchase of a widely available commodity type product or service that makes neither a strategic impact upon your business, nor carries a large price tag.
(c) For business negotiations – either there is no room to manoeuvre (company policy) and/or one party has all the power or options. Neither works.

2. Compromise
Many negotiators falsely believe that compromise is a positive approach to gain a win-win deal. This is plainly incorrect. If you look at the definition of the word ‘compromise’, it means ‘A settlement of a dispute in which two or more parties agree to accept something less than they originally wanted.’ If one or both parties agree to lower their aspirations, this is hardly a win-win outcome, is it? Over-ambition is due to lack of experience or lack of research on the product/service /party.

3. The Relationship
Possessing the desire to create a durable relationship in a negotiation is admirable, but it does not guarantee that you will walk out of the negotiation with a win-win agreement to hand. Mutual relationships are the ideal, with each side creating value for their organisation and for the other’s organisation. If you find that you’re getting the short end of the stick over and over again, then you’ll need to think through how the other side perceives you, and the negotiation frame that’s been set. Almost everyone agrees that it’s important to have good relations with your business partners, but few will agree with what “good” really means. Its best you explore this separately as a company and or team, as assumptions are dangerous.

4. Take Your Time
Many negotiators are under the impression that if they take extra time to negotiate they are more likely to achieve a win-win settlement. The truth is that many studies on this very subject have revealed that extra time does not make much difference to the quality of the negotiated agreements.

“During a negotiation, it would be wise not to take anything personally. If you leave personalities out of it, you will be able to see opportunities more objectively.” – Brian Koslow

5. Ask Open Directive Questions
When we enter a negotiations prepared, we need to know the other parties’ intentions, interests, timeline and priorities. It is a sad truth that in reality, many negotiators do not ask questions to gain a better understanding of the underlying ambitions that lie beneath the other party’s position.
We need to determine whether our goals can be connected to the business goals of the other party. The more we know about their aims, the more we will be able to put together settlement package that better addresses the business goals and priorities of both parties. When we know what’s important to the other party, we can build a beneficial and productive agreement that ensures the concerns of both parties have been taken on board.

6. Play Fair
What do we tell them about our goals and interests? Reciprocation is essential. We have to tell them about our goals and interests so they may better understand how they might not only meet their needs, but ours as well. Best we begin at outset with setting the frame of a cooperative mood to increase mutual interaction. Only then should we progress into fact-finding and option generation. Our counterparts will usually mirror our behaviour, the virtuous and less than virtuous.

“ We cannot negotiate with those who say, “What’s mine is mine and what’s yours is negotiable.” – John F. Kennedy

If we start by openly offering information, they will normally reciprocate in kind. Our initiating the volunteering of goals and interests does not necessarily put us at a strategic disadvantage. Provided we set the frame of reciprocation and gain agreement at the outset, and provided we don’t put all our cards on the table. Reciprocation will prevail. If the other side refuses to reciprocate at any point, and refuses to give a valid reason, this should be our red flag to stop. It’s a bad idea to reveal your BATNA at the outset.

7. Pesent Multiple Options
The best win-win agreements often spring from presenting multiple offers rather than a single, lone offer or proposal. The reason is that a single offer or proposal often has an anchoring effect. Multiple offers tend to stimulate communication. Multiple offers will often prompt or nudge our counterpart into providing vital information about their objectives and the true nature of their business ambitions. Negotiating will be more energetic and productive because several options will likely enhance the possibility of finding even more creative solutions than would otherwise have been possible.

8. Third Party Involvement
Another innovative strategy to maximize your resources effectively is to use a neutral third party to help both parties tease out all goals and interests. In addition, you can ask this third party to suggest an agreement, or for ways in which to improve your existing agreement. Each side should of course have the option to veto the third party’s proposals if they uncover better alternatives. A third party proposal can bring a number of benefits:

Both parties can safely share more sensitive information. Since information is the building blocks required for creative alternatives, this in itself can open doors that were previously not seen.
Trust is fostered under the experienced third independent party’s direction. Often parties don’t share suspicions openly with each other. This format of negotiation is conducive to sharing doubts. With a third party looking out for both sides’ interests, it prevents one sided gains and fosters a free thinking creative process, and reduces risks.

We need to appreciate that not just any agreement leads to a win-win scenario or outcome in our negotiations. Time constraints affect how long and far we can explore. Attitudes, positions and skills set invisible boundaries that constrain what we see as possible. Win-win deals are more likely when set up correctly through effective use of framing, research and building relationships. Ultimately, it’s essential that we remember the end objective is to reach an agreement that both parties can walk away without their tail between their legs!

“The most important trip you could ever take in life, is learning what is important to them and meeting them somewhere in the middle.” – Leslie Choudhury
Leslie Choudhury has been a GM or CEO of 4 different corporate companies in 4 different countries. He has won countless awards for his ability to motivate, influence and inspire changes in staff mentality and results. His awards include: Westin Business Innovation award, the President’s/CEO’s award for running the best Sales team in the world for Sheraton Hotels, Best Service Company of the year award in Singapore, and “EBIT & ME Personality Award for Asia & Pacific. Choudhury holds a BBA from the University of Hawaii, Manoa, USA and is certified in NLP & Directive Communication psychology, recognized by the American Institute of Business Psychology, the only person in Asia awarded with ‘CITE’ status; and the author of two self-help books – ‘Once Upon A Time’ series. Voted as the world’s number 6 Communication Guru by Gurus International. Leslie is the CEO of Dreamz Image International and Director for Directive Communication International ( ASIA) Pte Ltd. For more info see

We are Born to Succeed !!!

We were born to succeed

“Success is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.” – Dr. Joyce Brothers

We were born with all the tools to succeed and enjoy a wonderful life.
We were born with all the potential to succeed, we can achieve any goal we want… or can we?

We may not think or believe that we can achieve our goals and have a better life.

When we were born we had no negative thoughts.
No Limiting Beliefs.
No self doubts.
We could do anything.

“You can do anything you wish to do, have anything you wish to have, be anything you wish to be.” – Robert Collier
Sometimes we need to observe and listen to children. They are irrepressible. They at an early age think they can do anything, they feel they can conquer the world. My son Zackery, when asked what does he want to become says, ” An Actor, A Movie Producer, A Director, An Inventor ……”  somehow I get the feeling the list keeps growing larger, bigger, but all he sees is possibilities!

We however tend to see limitations, hurdles, prohibitions ….. we see boundaries, problems, we prevent ourselves from moving forward even before we start.

But on our journey through life, we stopped believing. We even sometimes stopped trying!
We started to doubt ourselves.

We started to let negative thoughts fill our mind.

Maybe somebody told us that we can’t succeed or that life is hard and we believed them.

We started to develop limiting beliefs and you began to think we no longer have the potential to succeed.
We may even believe that we were not born to succeed, or worse, that we were born to suffer.

The truth is we still have all that potential, we’ve just burried it, we’ve dismissed it and we’ve let negative thinking, limiting beliefs and self doubt convince us that we can’t or won’t succeed.

So how do we unlock the potential that we were born with?
How do we turn things around and succeed?
Start by changing the way we see ourself, or changing what we think about ourself.
If we feel that we can’t succeed, that we’ll only fail, and that no matter what we do things won’t be better… then change this thought pattern.

It is not the mountain we conquer but ourselves.” – Edmund Hillary

Dismiss it.
Don’t accept those thoughts.
None of it, is true.
No matter how bleak things may seem we can and will succeed because we were born to succeed.
We need to tell ourselves,  yes …..say it out loud:

I was born to succeed.
Say it again, only this time with a slight change:

I am born to succeed.
We are born to succeed.
When we think of past failures, or if we think we’ll only fail again, change those thoughts. Think of the times we did succeed. Go back as far as we have to.
I want us all to do this right now, thibnk about the times we succeeded, I do not care in what, or how far back we have to go. Think about those times, see ourselves in that moment, how we looked, how we felt, how we felt others saw us, felt about us.
Our mind will tell us things like: “Yeah but that was then, we can’t succeed now.
Who are you kidding. We can’t do this. There’s no way.” Stop this thinking and stop this right now!

Change those thoughts.
Let’s push our mind to find ways to succeed.
Tell ourself, this time I’m doing things differently.
Give ourself reasons to succeed.
Create affirmations that will help us succeed.
The only reason our mind comes up with these excuses for not succeeding is because that’s what it’s used to doing.

Over the years we’ve developed a pattern of thinking and a set of beliefs that have created our current outlook and our current life.

If we keep the same thought patterns and the same beliefs we’ll always have the same life – I guarantee it. Nothing will change… and that’s not good enough! Is it ?

“The person who gets the farthest is generally the one who is willing to do and dare. The sure-thing boat never gets far from shore.” – -Dale Carnegie

But if we change our thoughts, change our beliefs, change our outlook we will change our lives – and I can guarantee that as well. I am living proof of that. Let me say this as simply as I can; “If I can do it, then anyone can!”

We need to understand, our subconscious follows our current thoughts and beliefs like a roadmap.
If we think we’re going to fail or that life is difficult, then our subconscious simply says: we expect failure, we therefore want failure, and guess what we will have failure. Our subconscious will make sure we get it.
So if we change what’s in our subconscious, give it a new road map and we’ll get new results.
But first we have to decide what that map, that path, that direction, that trip  is going to look like. We also have to know what we want, then we can create the thoughts, beliefs, outlook and actions that will help us succeed.

When we do that on a regular basis we’ll be living up to our full potential.
We’ll begin succeeding because that’s what we were born to do.
So don’t believe the naysayer in your head.
Believe in yourself and your ability.
We were born to succeed. You are born to succeed.
You have all the ability to achieve your goals and live your dreams.
Direct the power of your mind and subconscious mind to create the happiness, success, wealth, relationships and life you want today. You have the power, the ability, it is your choice.

Nothing happens unless you take responsibility and make that choice, take the steps and keep on that path and head in the direction called ‘ SUCCESS.’

Measured By What You Do !!!

There was a farmer who sold a pound of butter to the baker. One day the baker decided to weigh the butter to see if he was getting a pound and he found that he was not. This angered him and he took the farmer to court.

The judge asked the farmer if he was using any measure. The farmer replied, “ur Honor, I am poor. I don’t have a proper measure, but I do have a scale.”
The judge asked, “Then how do you weigh the butter?”
The farmer replied “Your Honor, long before the baker started buying butter from me, I have been buying a pound loaf of bread from him. Every day when the baker brings the bread, I put it on the scale and give him the same weight in butter. If anyone is to be blamed, it is the baker.”

What is the point of the story? We get back in life what we give to others.
Whenever you take an action, ask yourself this question – Am I giving fair value for the wages or money I hope to make ?

Honesty and dishonesty become a habit. Some people practice dishonesty and can lie with a straight face. Others lie so much that they don’t even know what the truth is anymore. But who are they deceiving ? Themselves – more than anyone else.

I love the line in Batman which always sticks in my head, ” It is what I do that defines me !!!”

Leadership with a Vision

Visionary leaders are the builders of a new dawn, using imagination, insight, and boldness. They present a challenge that calls forth the best in people and brings them together around a shared sense of purpose. They work with the power of intentionality and help people find a higher purpose. Their eyes are on the horizon;  they are political, business, social innovators and change agents, seeing the big picture and thinking strategically.

A visionary may dream wonderful visions of the future and articulate them with great inspiration. A visionary leader is good with words but also with actions. It  requires  heart-felt commitment.

A visionary leader is effective in manifesting his or her vision because s/he creates specific, achievable goals, initiates action and enlists the participation of others.
It requires core values, clear vision, empowering relationships, and innovative action. 


Visionaries who are successful at manifesting their visions base their leadership on an inspirational, positive picture of the future, as well as a clear sense of direction as to how to get there. Vision is a field that brings energy into form. Effective leaders broadcast a coherent message by themselves embodying their vision. Mandela clearly held a positive vision of a racially harmonious South Africa during his 28 years in jail and helped bring it into reality peacefully– to the amazement of the world.  I urge you to see the movie ‘Invictus’.
“I dream of an Africa which is in peace with itself.
                                                        Nelson Mandela

The best visionary leaders move energy to a higher level by offering a clear vision of what is possible. They inspire people to be better than they already are.  This was the power of Martin Luther King’s “I have a dream” speech. The creative  power  of  inspired words can sound a certain inner note that people recognize and respond to.

Visionary leaders transmit energy to people, giving them confidence in achieving the vision. Television host Oprah Winfrey helps her guests believe in themselves and work to create a better world. She is the number one Talk Show host!
President Obama, won the elections with three words, “Yes We Can”, giving people ‘Hope’ and wanting to see ‘Change’ happen.
When we look around us here in Singapore,  the world sees clearly the vision of  leaders like Goh Keng Swee and Lee Kwan Yew. A small country  making big waves due to a clear and powerful vision. On the business front,  Kwek Leng Beng from CDL,  Ho KwonPing of Banyan Tree,  the late Ng Teng Fong of Far East, and J.Y. Pillay for Singapore Airlines have all made their mark due to a vision that paved the way forward. “ Where there is no vision the people perish.” – The Bible

Body Shop founder,  Anita Roddick’s  vision  addressed health and environmental problems, as well as poverty in the Third World, through the innovative strategies she designed for her hugely successful products and stores. Products are made of non-polluting ingredients and stores were opened in poor neighbourhoods to provide employment and return profit to the community.

Many of us avoid the responsibility of visionary leadership primarily because we are too scared of criticism or failure.  Today, as we enter the Third Millennium, new visionary leaders are emerging.  Will you rise to the need and challenge?

If you want one year of prosperity,    grow the business contributing units,
If you want ten years of prosperity,     
grow the contributing territories,
 If you want one hundred years of prosperity,   grow the contributing people. 

Leslie Choudhury
has been the CEO of 4 different corporate companies in 4 different countries. His ability to motivate, influence and inspire change in staff mentality and results won awards like: Westin’s Business Innovation award, the President’s/CEO’s award for running the best Sales team in the world for Sheraton Hotels, Best Service Company of the year award in Singapore, and “EBIT & ME Personality Award for Asia & Pacific”.  Choudhury holds a BBA from the University of Hawaii, Manoa, the only person in Asia awarded with ‘CITE’ status. Author of  self-help books series called  ‘Once Upon A Time’ . Voted as the world’s number 6 Communication Guru by Gurus International, in the Global Who’s Who Directory recognizing his Training & Speaking prowess. Leslie is the CEO of Dreamz Image International and Director for Directive Communication International ( ASIA) Pte Ltd. For more info see



Studies show attractive students get more attention and higher evaluations from their teachers, good-looking patients get more personalized care from their doctors, and handsome criminals receive lighter sentences than less attractive convicts. But how much do looks matter at work?

The ugly truth, according to economics professors Daniel Hamermesh of the University of Texas and Jeff Biddle of Michigan State University, is that plain people earn 5 to 10 percent less than people of average looks, who in turn earn 3 to 8 percent less than those deemed good-looking.

These findings concur with other research that shows the penalty for being homely exceeds the premium for beauty and that across all occupations; the effects are greater for men than women.

A London Guildhall University survey of 11,000 33-year-olds found that unattractive men earned 15 percent less than those deemed attractive, while plain women earned 11 percent less than their prettier counterparts. In their report “Beauty, Productivity and Discrimination: Lawyers’, Looks and Lucre,” Hamermesh and Biddle found that the probability of a male attorney attaining early partnership directly correlates with how handsome he is.

Size matters, too. Now watch what you are thinking ! A study released last year by two professors at the University of Florida and the University of North Carolina found that tall people earn considerably more money throughout their careers than their shorter coworkers, with each inch adding about $789 a year in pay.

A survey of male graduates of the University of Pittsburgh found that the tallest students’ average starting salary was 12 percent higher than their shorter colleagues’. The London Guildhall study showed that overweight women are more likely to be unemployed, and that those who are working earn on average five percent less than their trimmer peers.

According to Dr. Gordon Patzer, who has spent over three decades studying and writing about physical attractiveness, human beings are hard-wired to respond more favorably to attractive people. Even studies of babies show they will look more intently and longer at prettier faces.

“Good-looking men and women are generally judged to be more talented, kind, honest and intelligent than their less attractive counterparts,” says Patzer. “Controlled studies show people go out of their way to help attractive people – of the same and opposite sex – because they want to be liked and accepted by good-looking people.”

 This may not sound too pretty or encouraging to those of us who were dealt a bad hand in the looks department. But don’t rush off to try out for the next round of Extreme Makeover just yet. This is not what I am suggesting as cure.

There is more than meets the eye !
Despite what the research tells us, some of the world’s most successful people have been ordinary looking at best, and you would never mistake the faces in Fortune for the faces in Esquire or Entertainment Weekly. Business legends are often of average height (Bill Gates is only at 5’9″, slightly shorter than me !) or even diminutive (Jack Welch, 5’8″,  and Tom Cruise at 5’7+”). What’s more, many folks who are lovely to look at complain that they lose out on jobs because people assume they are vacuous or “lightweights.” They suffer the stereo-typing of being good-looking but nothing up there !

How does this reconcile with all the research? Hiring managers say it is the appearance of confidence they find attractive, not the presence of physical beauty. And they contend that attractiveness has more to do with how you carry yourself and the energy you exude – rather than having perfect features or a great physique. People whom have closed on interviews or sales pitches, all exude confidence, energy, and present themselves well. Its what they wear, how they wear it, how they walk it and yes which leads to how they talk it !
According to Gordon Wainright author of Teach Yourself Body Language, anyone can increase their attractiveness to others if they maintain good eye contact, act upbeat, dress well (with a dash of color to their wardrobe), and listen well. Wainright also stresses the importance of posture and bearing and suggests that for one week you stand straight, tuck in your stomach, hold your head high, and smile at those you meet. Based on many such experiments, Wainwright predicts you will begin to be treated with more warmth and respect and start attracting more people to you.

Whatever it is , whether an interview, a presentation,  a date, people do judge a book by its covers……we are after all human……so with this knowledge, walk that walk, talk that talk… it with style (your own) , with confidence, and get the respect you rightly fully deserve.

I am living proof of this, I have always tried to dress for the occasion, dress for the audience that I am presenting to and by God’s grace have been very successful in all the opportunities presented to me, be it an interview or closing a deal.

Power of Encouragement !!!

We all need to find someone to encourage. Of all the gifts you possess truly one of the greatest is the ability to build up and help another person to do the best they can, or be the best they can.

An interesting thing happens when you give of this special gift — much in the same way a magnet works, you begin to pull into your life people, opportunities and life experiences of a positive nature. I am living proof of this.
To better understand this, consider the wise words which state simply, yet profoundly: “You reap what you sow”. In short, what you put out to the world makes its way back to you. My friends, if you’ll concede that there’s truth in that wouldn’t it make sense to be proactive when it comes to looking for ways to encourage others? I think so! I will leave the sharing of this,  to another blog soon. For now I just want to focus on the power of encouragement.

I remember years ago, when I took part in a skit and took on the role of the voice of God. I never appeared on stage, just a microphone behind stage, whilst others played the scene Abraham sacrificing Isacc on stage. The skit was hilarious, as we had a fat boy of 17 years old playing the role of baby  Isaac, which drew tremendous laughter from the crowd. However at the end of the skit, a lady doctor named Nam Fong made her way back stage to satisfy what she was curious about? She wanted to know whom was the voice of God? On finding out it was me she headed my direction and said, ” Leslie, God has given you a gift with that voice, use it wisely and well !” I sheepishly thanked her but was quite taken aback at her words.

Years down the road when I changed career paths and embarked on the road to being a trainer and speaker, these words flooded my mind. They were a source of such power and encouragement despite the fact it was mentioned to me many many moons ago. As humans we remember both hurtful and encouraging things said in the past like it was said yesterday.

Going forward begin to look at your life as though you are an artist with the ability to paint on your canvas a magnificent masterpiece. While this in itself is incredible — consider that you also have the added advantage of literally being able to start a new work of art at will.

In the moment you find yourself on a path which doesn’t serve you, you can choose to course correct. You have the ability to succeed at whatever you desire. Let go of the broken idea that it has to happen overnight in order to be deemed a success.

Take joy in your achievement journey, knowing that as long as you stay in the game, and allow yourself to learn the lessons which can be gleaned from any challenges which may pop up along the way you will reach your intended destination. When I first started speaking, I was paid $50 an hour, then $75 then $100 but today I command a speaking fee of $7,000 an hour. If you haven’t already please listen to a song by Miley Cyrus called ‘The Climb’. 

This song is my theme song for this year 2011. The song has the words : ” I can almost see it, that dream I’m dreaming, But there’s a voice inside my head saying you’ll never reach it “  W all have doubts, but its moments like those where words of encouragement can sweep us up, as they have for me.  The song goes on with; ” There is always gonna be an another mountain, I’m always gonna want to make it move , always gonna be an uphill battle, sometime I’m gonna have to lose, ain’t about how fast we get there, aint whats waiting on the other side……its the Climb.” 

Life is a journey, its a climb its sometimes pretty tough for you and for me. What will make that journey that much easier, that much sweeter, that much more energized is the power we get from …’encouragement’. Remember encouragement is a 2 way street, starts with us taking up opportunities to do so with others and like a boomarang it will come right back at you.

You were made for greatness — see it, live it, be it. Be an encouragement today and everyday with someone; with a willingness to let your gifts and talents flow and Iassure you it will come right back at you.
Late last year, I spoke in Mauritius at a Sales Conference with several international speakers. The main draw speaker was not me, he was a speaker from the USA with more than 12 books under his belt, many of them best sellers with more than a million copies sold of each. He spoke with authority but somehow somewhat down at people. He still got applause. I spoke with the poeple, bared myself (not literally) and tried to encourage them that if someone like me could make it then even more so could of any of them! When the end of my final speech came, I got a standing ovation, no other speaker got not even the main draw. It brought tears to my eyes !  When you encourage people, it comes back ten fold !!!

Have an Awesome week !!!