Have you ever been faced with trying to stay positive when others around
you are negative? Negative people can be a challenge to be around. They
will bring you down and drain your energy. A negative person can throw
your best laid plans to be positive right out the window. Whether your
child or spouse has an occasional negative day or you deal with a family
member, friend or co-worker that is chronically negative, there are
things you can do to remain positive in the face of negativity.
1. Let the Negativity Pass
Whatever you do, do not argue with a negative person. Arguing only adds
fuel to the fire. A negative person will feed off any negativity that
will strengthen his mood or attitude. I have noticed when my children
are in a crabby mood, it is best to avoid trying to convince them to
analyze and adjust their attitude. As soon as I take the approach of
being in opposition with them, they seize the opportunity to prove to me
that life stinks. Their negativity intensifies and the situation gets
worse before it gets better. Sometimes the best thing to do is remain
silent and let the negativity pass.
2. Negative People Need Love
You know how difficult it can be to give love and positive attention to
negative people. Unfortunately, that is often exactly what they need.
Deep inside that mean and critical person is a person that is usually
afraid he or she is unlovable. It is our challenge to rise above the
negative attitude and love the injured person inside. How do you show
love when someone is negative? You must listen to what she is trying to
tell you. Acknowledge the feelings she has by saying something like,
“You sound very angry right now”. Even if you don’t quite understand the
person’s feelings, know that your reality is different than someone
else’s. Ask how you might help the negative person. This shows
legitimate interest in her happiness. Offer a hug even if you get
rejected. Remember not to take a rejection of your love personally. A
negative person often has difficulty receiving love from others.
3. Focus on the Positive
If you try really hard, there is always something positive to be found in any situation. Pretend you are on a treasure hunt and search for any gold or jewels you can emphasize. Even a negative person has positive qualities. When a person is drowning in negativity, it can be difficult for them to see the positive. So often my clients focus on the negative aspects of themselves. They forget about all the great things they are doing. I admit that sometimes a negative person doesn’t want to see the positive. This might require her to shift her outlook. Negativity can become a habit and habits are hard to break. Be patient and gently remind your grumpy friend or family member to look for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hopefully, in her down time, she will begin to reflect on what you have said.
If you try really hard, there is always something positive to be found in any situation. Pretend you are on a treasure hunt and search for any gold or jewels you can emphasize. Even a negative person has positive qualities. When a person is drowning in negativity, it can be difficult for them to see the positive. So often my clients focus on the negative aspects of themselves. They forget about all the great things they are doing. I admit that sometimes a negative person doesn’t want to see the positive. This might require her to shift her outlook. Negativity can become a habit and habits are hard to break. Be patient and gently remind your grumpy friend or family member to look for the pot of gold at the end of the rainbow. Hopefully, in her down time, she will begin to reflect on what you have said.
4. Ask Negative People to Elaborate
You may hear a negative person say things like: “Women are fickle.” “You can’t trust doctors.” “My husband makes me miserable.” These kinds of statements are a type of cognitive distortion referred to as generalizations. To help a person sort through her distorted thinking, ask for more specifics. Questions like “Which women are fickle?” or “What specifically about your husband is making you miserable?” force a person to evaluate what he or she is really trying to say. A negative person will either give up because it takes too much effort to explain himself, or he or she will get to the bottom of the issue.
You may hear a negative person say things like: “Women are fickle.” “You can’t trust doctors.” “My husband makes me miserable.” These kinds of statements are a type of cognitive distortion referred to as generalizations. To help a person sort through her distorted thinking, ask for more specifics. Questions like “Which women are fickle?” or “What specifically about your husband is making you miserable?” force a person to evaluate what he or she is really trying to say. A negative person will either give up because it takes too much effort to explain himself, or he or she will get to the bottom of the issue.
5. Detach and Avoid Trying to Change the Negative Person
Learning to detach emotionally from a negative person can greatly benefit you and the other person. A negative person will fight you if you try to change them. If you want, you can try a little reverse psychology and agree with everything she says. I once read a great article about a mother who was exasperated with her son’s negative mood. Everything she tried to soothe him and make him feel better backfired. She finally gave up and started agreeing with everything he said. When her son told her his friends were mean, she agreed with him. When he complained that his teacher didn't know anything, she couldn't agree more. After several minutes of this kind of dialogue with her son, his mood suddenly shifted. He declared that he was tired and he went to bed with a smile on his face.
Learning to detach emotionally from a negative person can greatly benefit you and the other person. A negative person will fight you if you try to change them. If you want, you can try a little reverse psychology and agree with everything she says. I once read a great article about a mother who was exasperated with her son’s negative mood. Everything she tried to soothe him and make him feel better backfired. She finally gave up and started agreeing with everything he said. When her son told her his friends were mean, she agreed with him. When he complained that his teacher didn't know anything, she couldn't agree more. After several minutes of this kind of dialogue with her son, his mood suddenly shifted. He declared that he was tired and he went to bed with a smile on his face.
6. Stay Away from Negative People
If you have negative people in your life that are critically affecting your mental and physical health, you need to evaluate whether or not you want these people in your life. Some people are so chronically negative that you have no other choice but to remove them from your life. It’s possible to do that with friends. You can find another job if your boss or other co-workers are bringing you down. Other people, such as children and spouses, are difficult to remove from your life. In this instance, professional counseling may be the answer. To protect your well being, you need to enforce very strong boundaries with negative people.
If you have negative people in your life that are critically affecting your mental and physical health, you need to evaluate whether or not you want these people in your life. Some people are so chronically negative that you have no other choice but to remove them from your life. It’s possible to do that with friends. You can find another job if your boss or other co-workers are bringing you down. Other people, such as children and spouses, are difficult to remove from your life. In this instance, professional counseling may be the answer. To protect your well being, you need to enforce very strong boundaries with negative people.
If you do nothing else but focus on managing your own negative thoughts
and behavior, you will come a long way towards remaining positive. A
negative attitude is contagious, but a positive attitude is infectious
as well. Hang out with positive people that encourage you to be your
best self. Use positive affirmations to overcome negative self-talk.
Express your gratitude for all the positive things in your life. Take
the time everyday to watch all the beautiful things going on around you.
Read inspirational material and listen to joyful music. Take care of
yourself spiritually. Do whatever you have to do to remain positive and
happy despite the negativity you face.
The world will be a better place because of you and your attitude.
And you never know, you just might help a negative person make a change
to a better way of living.
Leslie Choudhury – Int’l Speaker, Trainer, Consultant and Author
Serious fun for serious business
See it, be it, live it !!!
www.dreamz-image.com
www.directivecommunication.com
www.lesliechoudhury.com
www.impactfulpresentations.com
http://twitter.com/LeslieChoudhury
CEO – Dreamz Image International
Director – Directive Communication International
Associate Director – ADMC Pte Ltd
65 96347354
http://lesliechoudhury.com/blog
http://www.communicationgurus.net/Next_Speaker_communicaton.php
http://www.lesliechoudhury.com/what-people-say.html
Connect to me on http://www.facebook.com/leslie.choudhury
Leslie Choudhury – Int’l Speaker, Trainer, Consultant and Author
Serious fun for serious business
See it, be it, live it !!!
www.dreamz-image.com
www.directivecommunication.com
www.lesliechoudhury.com
www.impactfulpresentations.com
http://twitter.com/LeslieChoudhury
CEO – Dreamz Image International
Director – Directive Communication International
Associate Director – ADMC Pte Ltd
65 96347354
http://lesliechoudhury.com/blog
http://www.communicationgurus.net/Next_Speaker_communicaton.php
http://www.lesliechoudhury.com/what-people-say.html
Connect to me on http://www.facebook.com/leslie.choudhury
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